When Things Go Wrong: How Do You Cope?

Discussion in 'Training Psychology' started by Con, Feb 27, 2011.

  1. Con

    Con Moderator

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    There are two types of people.
    The first gives up when bad events happen.
    The second steps up the challenge.

    Which type are you and what goes through your head that decides how you tackle the problem.

    We can talk about training set backs but any life set back is fair game.

  2. fitdog

    fitdog Top Contributor

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    Well to be honest i think i am a bit of both, when accident ended my military career, it stopped me being active my morale was low, so i started drinking too much, getting into trouble causing my marriage to end, Making me spiral even more out of control i was a wreck i slowly climbed out of the depression and now having had a knee replacement, finding another partner and having had our first child im a different person, not only that but now i can train again its made the world of difference to my personality!
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  3. Angry Pirate

    Angry Pirate One day as a Lion... Full Member

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    With the exception of my wife and child nearly dying when my daughter was born, I always project forward.

    In other words, I'll think about where I will be in a week, month etc., and concentrate on the fact that whatever the current problem is, it will be resolved one way or the other in that time frame.

    When I was in hospital being operated on for the third time with my ankle, I thought, well at least next week, the cast will be off and we'll know what damage is done. Then a few days later when the cast came off and I couldn't move a single step, I thought that physio starts and in two weeks, I'll be able to move a little...

    Con, I get through by playing out scenarios of gradual, but constant improvement with injuries. Like training, you know each additional rep or kg, is getting you where you need to be.

    Forward project and you'll be good as gold fella
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  4. Eastwood

    Eastwood Full Member

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    I tend to look for new solutions or ways of accomplishing something.

    Lifting weights, nutrition, etc itself has been a matter of trial and error for me since I was 16 but I am still to this day learning new things and adapting, eventually I will conquer it to the level I want to.

    If it is something that I dont feel is that useful to me then im happy enough to develop a fairly decent amount of ability in in it or not at all.
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  5. Viktor

    Viktor Top Contributor

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    I may be wrong but I believe a lot is down to natural mindset, some people are competitive and want to win, some folk are stubborn and just won't give in, others see 'cracking on' as the norm.

    For sure mental toughness can be developed and built upon, but strip everything away and you will find the base animal in every man and woman and I believe that person stripped of everything is the decider on whether they quit or conquer.

    Another factor is fear, fear of failure or the consequences of failure.

    My thoughts on this are a bit black and white and maybe there are other factors involved in what makes someone 'step up to the challenge'.
  6. Angry Pirate

    Angry Pirate One day as a Lion... Full Member

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    Good post.

    I've been a a few hairy situations and every time you come through, it's as if you've added a bit more "emotional armour" and fear normally is whether "I'm up to it, or good enough, will I let others down". Once you get through one trial, you'll be different to who you were. Experience is key. The more experiences you have and get through, the better equipped you are.

    You talk about what people are like stripped down to their core and this on the face of it looks like the model question, but it's not in many respects as different stresses effect people differently.

    I for example hate heights and have massive problems with them, but no problems with confined spaces. If you saw me at the top of a tall building (or ladder tbh) you wouldn't think I was brave, but I've done a few bits and bobs that most people would think are brave.

    I've also seen people that I thought were cowards act with amazing bravely, confronting their fears and overcoming when in other circumstances they had buckled and were considered by their peers "to lack fortitude" (I'm quoting directly for an entry I made in that persons record).

    We can all be better than we think we are, but we all need others to believe in us and support us. That's why cancer survivors normally had a close nit group iof firends and family as this support group makes us "better" than we are in isolation.
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  7. Milky

    Milky Top Contributor

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    Life knocks you down......you get up, dust yourself off and say "next"

    Bottom line is l'm always in the sh*t its just the depth that varies....
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  8. Flinty

    Flinty BigBears favourite cub Top Contributor

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    sometimes, i think when something goes wrong that it is hard and perhaps i cant do it, but then perhaps i pick my battles wrong, im sure there will be loads of people that come on this thread and give it the yeah i always fight back and i always think positive, and if thats true then well done to you..

    I am mentally tough, but sometimes on a couple of occasions i have to admit i have given in, i was a really big bloke a couple of years ago, 22 plus stone , i felt sh1te about myself, and continuosly carried on drinking and eating crap to compensate for how i felt,
    Now this for me was strange, i have always maintained playing sports and although im not ultra competetive i like to feel i have always given things my best shot..
    But with my weight i felt i was always going to lose. i couldnt find the strength to say no , or want to try something that felt like a mountain to climb for me.
    on top of that i was suffering anxiety attacks and panic attacks every time my heart beat was raised, absolutely did my life in for over 2 years...

    My missus stuck by me, and although i would like to say i did it, she was my rock.

    to get back to the point you asked Con, i have found great strength myself by surrounding myself with positive people, maybe it sounds daft and maybe i have not got a lot of strength at all, but that change in my life involved me moving away from all the people that were happy with me for doing what i did, a few good friends that i had to break away from... Now that for me was strength, and with the help of my wife, kids and my new positive friends i was on the road to recovery...

    I have lost nearly 6 stone, im fitter than i have ever been , i now feel like i am on top of my mountain, last year i walked up a mountain (SKIDDAW) in lake district and that was me beating things in my eyes against all odds...

    onwards and upwards, and believe me, when you have been at the bottom for so long and worked your way to achiever your goals its a strength inside you that no one can ever take away again...

    Not saying im 100% happy with were i am at still, but fvck me i am so close now i can taste it ...

    Great thread mate i will look forward to reading other peoples thoughts !!!!

    And also people on here posting pictures of themselves and perhaps thinking that they look ok but not great, your are all an inspration to me and people like me, i can not state enough to anyone that has got themselves to any level of fitness and the attitude to be constantly better and better how much of a good influence you guys are. I repect you all so much, and i want to be one of them people that others will look at and think
    Fvck me look what this guy has achieved....
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  9. Raptor

    Raptor Cutting for Summer Full Member

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    I was told my my dad from a very young age that there are 2 people in life, talkers and dooers.. and i found out this is so true, many many people say "i'll get in shape one day" or "I'll be successful one day" and then sit on their ass for another 10 years. In fact someone yesterday said to me "Im going to be massive by summer" and he's not made any plans to join a gym yet and i know he wont do. The ones like that often try the gym for a few weeks and then when they are not getting results just quit as they cba.

    As far as it goes to taking bad news, i take some things pretty well and bounce back.. i have had some massive blows over the past few months, they were financial but to me this means a lot as i like to enjoy life and part of this for me is not being restricted by money. I can not and will not give up in life when bad things happen, i will achieve what i want, and if it kills me then so be, some on here who only know me because of training may say "well then Raptor why are you not a top level BB competitor then?" Well to me training is part of my life but not my whole life, work gets in between training some times and the times it has, i have not been too bothered as you can always go and lift a few weights but you can't always find one off opportunities, i have a latin tattoo on the small of my back and it says "Either i'll find a way, or i'll make a way" because i always believe you will find a way to get anything you want in life, and if you can't find a way then you can make a way.

    We all enter the world small and weak, we leave the world small and weak...

    Its what we do in between that counts.
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  10. gemc1981

    gemc1981 Guest

    So far 2011 sucks ass for me - a whole world of crap has fallen around my ears but I just get on with it. You can p1ss and moan about your lot but there are others worse off - and the only person that can change your situation is you.

    So I just get on with things one day at a time and do all I can each day to better my situation. Simples.
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    Small set backs in my life which seem very trivial to people on the outside can put me off training for months at a time and noone can understand why!

    Major set backs that I think I'd never get through seem to be brushed aside like they're nothing when the time actually comes,it's amazing how strong people can be when there's no other choice!
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  12. frowningbudda

    frowningbudda Full Member

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    Been through some pretty traumatic events
    - both physical violence ( both no-win situations and one time I thought I was gonna die and had to have counciling)
    and bad emotional family problems in which things aren't right and still hit a nerve 10 years later.

    It's an open forum and I'm not going to share, I'm not giving it the "big man" it's not what I'm about (being 2 foot tall and that :D),
    but it's part of who I am now, stuff that is part of my core, part of my belief system.

    When sh!t hits the fan I feel crystal clear and in focus, rest of the time I'm in a daze.

    I relish deadlines and opportunities where I have to step-up, it makes me feel alive.
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  13. Willis

    Willis Top Contributor

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    I've had alot of set backS in my life and ive turned every stumbling block into a stepping stone

    I think dealing with every set back takes strength of character, I'm very well aware of where I want to get to so when things go wrong I have to walk through it rather than let it consume me.

    Things going wrong is great in some way as I think you learn something from every experience whether it's positive or negative

    Also everything happens for a reason
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  14. Big Bear

    Big Bear Moderator Top Contributor

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    at first if im honest i rant and rave and blame the world and everybody in it! once thats out of the way ill sit down and look at it all rationally and logical and start a plan of how to deal or overcome the problem (as sometimes these are two entirely different solutions)
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  15. Greyphantom

    Greyphantom Moderator

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    My grandfather had a saying covering this... "rub it and run"... could be a scratch or a broken leg or your best mates run off with your best girl... keep on keeping on... I am not particularly tough, hard or strong but you make do... sh1t happens in life but that doesnt mean you can enjoy it...
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