Your First Bodybuilding Show - A Help Guide

TinyTim

TinyTim

Timothy Sprague-Dawley
Top Contributor
This can be a mix of tongue in cheek and serious posting.
Hopefully it will help stage virgins out.

Feel free to chip in with your own stuff - serious and silly. :D



Don't put competition tan on your face before you leave home - you will need to stop at a services for a piss and you will look fcking stupid.
Don't put mousse tan on before you leave home if your car has suede seat trim, lmao.
Don't turn up wearing bin bags - saw this one year - "got to sweat the last bit out mate". Lol, you got 10lb to lose yet fatty.
Don't pull your posing trunks up your crack and hit the moonpose in UKBFF - they really don't like it.
Don't use aldactone as a diuretic unless you like being unable to get a pump and having zero vascularity.
Don't listen to two people at once about carbing up and drying out - this is nearly guaranteed to leave you looking totally shit.
Don't think carbing up and drying out will magically hide the 10lb of fat you still need to lose.
Don't jab nolatil in the back stage toilets and leave the used needles in the wash basin - dirty bastards.
Don't do moonwalks.
Don't do robotic movement.
Don't sing along to your posing music (lmfao).
Don't use Gary Lister's signature posing music just because it still sounds fucking ace.
Don't tell the world you're going to win your show unless you really are that good.
Don't cop a strop when you don't make top three.
Don't tell everyone you came fourth when you don't know. You probably came last but are delusional.
Don't say "you look like I can take you" backstage in an Arnie voice. It only works for Arnie.
Don't turn left when the compere is telling you take a quarter turn to the right - you just look a cnt.
Don't stay onstage hitting poses after your minute or whatever is up. Unless you're Shaun Tavernier standard or better, no one gives a fck.
 
Do remember to bring a towel.
Do remember your posing music.
Do bring a spare disc with your posing music on it as a back-up - the DJ won't give a crap if he loses your disc, but you certainly will.
Do get a friend to drive you if possible - you can kip on the way there then - if you're in condition and dehydrated, this will seem like a great option.
Do experiment with a carb-up protocol when you're ready three weeks out.
Do be ready three weeks out.
Do realise that if natty, taking much more than half a kilo a week of fat off is likely to strip muscle at a rate that makes you go "wahh".
Do rehydrate at the earliest opportunity post-show - kidneys hate being dried out.
Do remember your sweets/alcohol/dark chocolate/super pump juice 4000 for pre-stage.
Do bring membership and entry fee money.
Do bring flipflops.
Do bring a toilet roll - if you get the trots, it's a 10:1 chance there's no toilet paper back stage anywhere.
 
Don't insist on knuckle bunk/high five every single frigging competitor after you compete.
Don't make a huge deal that this is your show that's why you're fat BUT you're still wickedly excited about the cheat meal.
Don't pump your abbs.
Don't ask others what they "take".
 
Con said:
Don't insist on knuckle bunk/high five every single frigging competitor after you compete.
Don't make a huge deal that this is your show that's why you're fat BUT you're still wickedly excited about the cheat meal.
Don't pump your abbs.
Don't ask others what they "take".
Click to expand...
For some reason, the knuckle bunk made me burst out laughing.
LMFAO.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Con
Don't pump your legs up unless they're ridiculously small and you're not in shape, so it won't matter when you lose the cuts.
 
Last edited:
Don't think you'll be making a speech after you win your class - the compere won't be giving you that microphone. It's his job to get you off the stage, not prolong the agony. :D
 
Lmao this is great! Funny and genuinely useful

Hope all the competitors on here build this up and turn it into a bible!

Posted using TMuscle App
 
Don't tell everyone I could have placed higher if I was a bit fuller
On the day.
 
Don't come on dripping in cooking oil....
Don't forget to tan your face.
 
Righty said:
This can be a mix of tongue in cheek and serious posting.
Hopefully it will help stage virgins out.

Feel free to chip in with your own stuff - serious and silly. :D



Don't put competition tan on your face before you leave home - you will need to stop at a services for a piss and you will look fcking stupid.
Don't put mousse tan on before you leave home if your car has suede seat trim, lmao.
Don't turn up wearing bin bags - saw this one year - "got to sweat the last bit out mate". Lol, you got 10lb to lose yet fatty.
Don't pull your posing trunks up your crack and hit the moonpose in UKBFF - they really don't like it.
Don't use aldactone as a diuretic unless you like being unable to get a pump and having zero vascularity.
Don't listen to two people at once about carbing up and drying out - this is nearly guaranteed to leave you looking totally shit.
Don't think carbing up and drying out will magically hide the 10lb of fat you still need to lose.
Don't jab nolatil in the back stage toilets and leave the used needles in the wash basin - dirty bastards.
Don't do moonwalks.
Don't do robotic movement.
Don't sing along to your posing music (lmfao).
Don't use Gary Lister's signature posing music just because it still sounds fucking ace.
Don't tell the world you're going to win your show unless you really are that good.
Don't cop a strop when you don't make top three.
Don't tell everyone you came fourth when you don't know. You probably came last but are delusional.
Don't say "you look like I can take you" backstage in an Arnie voice. It only works for Arnie.
Don't turn left when the compere is telling you take a quarter turn to the right - you just look a cnt.
Don't stay onstage hitting poses after your minute or whatever is up. Unless you're Shaun Tavernier standard or better, no one gives a fck.
Click to expand...

@Righty...nolatil? That an SEO?

Posted using TMuscle App
 
mal said:
Don't tell everyone I could have placed higher if I was a bit fuller
On the day.
Click to expand...
LMAO. Forgot this gem.
"Yeah, wudda won if I'd remembered to eat ma carbs".
LMAO.
People do say similar a lot though. :D
Great suggestion @mal
 
You have got to be BUILT to pull a beard and shaggy perm off onstage. :D
 
Not shaving your back, then putting glaze on is like going for a swim in a bag of liquid margarine - looks like shit and is uber-noticeable on stage.
Shave those last bits.
(And the dangly bits you think will be hidden by your pants - they will sneak out).
 
If using a diuretic do not cut water!

I dnt think diuretics should not be taken the night before as it's too hard to monitor changes through out the night.

It's better to be slightly flat and dry then full as fuck and a little smooth.

Glaze is useless on a light tan, need a mega dark tan to pull off the glazed look, also need to be dry and tight as if smooth you will just wash out under the lights with glaze.

Tan dark... If your in doubt do another coat!

Shave a few days out as shaving encourages smoothing.

Remember to smile.

Practice posing and routine (some thing I never do... iv never spent more then 3 days out practicing a routine and I always have to improvise as forget it all lol).
 
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